Searching in the Dark

Kristen Kludt

When I close my eyes
       I look for you—
       the light in dark places—

and, sometimes, I see black:
      the backs of my eyelids
      inscribed with the gray-green shadow
      of whatever object just left my vision
            until that, too, fades.

What, then, does it mean
      to look for you in dark places?

I look around, and I see light—
      shining off the edge of my teacup,
      sparkling in the hair of a friend,
      lighting single blades in a sea of grass—

and I wonder
            is it in these places that you speak?

Because if it’s there—
      the comfort of tea,
      the warmth of a friend,
      the joy in the grass—

then what of you is left
      behind my eyes?

What of you is left when it’s just you
      and me
            alone
      in the dark.

And how do I know you are there?

How do I know
       that you see me
              when all I see is
                    black?

Can you see in the dark?
      And if you are light
            will I still see you
                  with my eyes closed?

What if my hands are open and my feet are bare?

photo by Andy Wade c.2017

photo by Andy Wade c.2017


–excerpt from A Good Way Through
Kristen’s debut book, A Good Way Through: My Journey with God from Disappointment into Hope, releases February 21. The kindle version is available now for pre-order.
Look for a longer excerpt and links to the printed book on our blog next Wednesday. In the meantime, you can pre-order the Kindle version here.